SATAN AND PORN STAR

For Satan and Porn Star
It was a match made in heaven.
They honeymooned in a small cottage
In Lynton, North Devon.

Satan, a shy man
Was walking on cloud nine
His heart beat fast, he wrote poetry
Porn Star was his rhyme

And Porn Star Worshipped Satan
She was his Queen of Sleaze
She made him hot and made him weak
Tremble at his horny knees

They talked about making a family
But Porn Star never wanted babies
She had other things in mind
Like getting half of Hades

Porn Star slowly came distracted
She yearned for her life from which she’d retracted
With Satan she became more aloof
She’d push aside his cloven hoof

The relationship cracks
Had begun to appear
Satan head was in a mess
Everything that Porn Star did
Put the horn-ed one under stress

It wasn’t long before, behind Satan’s back
Porn Star took on a lover
Satan’s problems began to stack
It was the neighbour from 665,
Satan’s brother!

Satan seeking sanctuary in the local pub
To all his friends he’d tell
“My life with Porn Star, in that little cottage
Has become a living Hell!”

Satan’s eyes were moist and red
Sex with Porn Star had long since stopped
They were sleeping in separate beds
Twice someone had called the cops

Seeking out a solicitor
Satan filed for divorce
They had no kids it should be 50:50
Surely that was par for the course

Using Beelzebub, the name that appears on his passport
Satan completed his financial declaration
He was better off than he thought
Hell, which he owned, was classified as a nation

When their big day came, seated in the court
Porn Star claimed she was depressed
Living with Satan had ruined her
Her life need to be re-addressed

Uncrossing her legs Sharon Stone style
Porn Star smiled at the beak
The judge, who hadn’t had it for a long while
Thought of her nipples a tweak

He gave Porn Star settlement of a lifetime
It Left Satan bankrupt and broken
She moved to 666 fulltime
And never since then have they spoken

The court was biased in Porn Star’s favour
Oh, and did I already mention
The whole split was acrimonious
Porn Star got two thirds of Satan’s pension?

Satan moved onto a boat on the Oxford Canal
Which has never since frozen over
Porn Star set up business below
Shacked up with Satan’s brother

Satan’s life’s chilled out beautifully
He named his red boat ‘Styx’
Down below things hotted up
With Porn Star and her tricks

They say that Satan’s brother
Is regretting the day they met
Porn Star rules it as she flirts
With the movers and shakers
Of the Hades set.

There are no morals to this story
But when you stand before those gates
Watching Hades glow
Remember Satan on his boat
Sometimes, it really is, better with the devil you know.